Journal

happy

Mon, 28 May 2007 01:59:51 GMT

I have a 5 minute incubation time on a DNA elution, so I thought I'd make a quick post. I am so damn happy. I'm working, I'm in a beautiful town, I'm finishing my degree and planning for the future, and there are hot women in the building I work in, not to mention a bunch of friends I can bug in between experiments. The only thing that troubles me is that it'll be over in a couple months and after that things are still unknown. But whatever, I'm enjoying the moment.
Time's up!

observations

Tue, 22 May 2007 23:08:25 GMT

My empty apartment gives me a strange feeling. It's vaguely familiar and positive, like...potential? Unused space...can be anything you want it to be. Hmm.
As I was just lugging a bookshelf over to the dumpster, I noticed something odd. All the black kids playing in the streets and parking lots were standing off away from me, looking nervous. Then I realized I had brought Tobey with me....off leash. I've been doing this a lot in Blacksburg, and no one thinks anything of it. Nearly everyone greets him happily, and at worst they pay no attention to him. But here it's totally different. One kid actually waited for me to drop off the bookshelf before approaching the dumpster with a load of trash. I wonder how many of them have had bad experiences with dogs personally, and how much of it is just that I'm a white man with a big dog following me around. How depressing. It'll be good to return to Blacksburg.

final touch-up

Tue, 22 May 2007 21:13:12 GMT

I'm in my old apartment in Creedmoor. I'm finishing up here. I didn't quite finish cleaning up last time. I'm packing up a few dishes and such, and giving everything a good once-over. All the calls have been made to disconnect power, phone, etc. I sense that it won't be long now before I leave this place behind forever. I am filled with relief, and at the same time it doesn't seem quite so bad here anymore. Perhaps that's simply the fact that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now regarding my degree and future.
Blacksburg is absolutely beautiful. I'm starting to develop the routine of a morning jog with Tobey followed by a cup of coffee and a paper at the local Starbucks, then on to work at the lab. It's a great comfort, and I cherish my time there. The thought of remaining in Creedmoor any longer makes me shudder, and I see now that perhaps my view of Creedmoor is unfair. It is my own unproductivity in this place which I loath more than the place itself. Still, it is good to be back in Blacksburg where I have friends AND collegues. I am not a family man, and I doubt I ever really will be. While I can understand that people can derive happiness from being parents, this is not something I personally identify with right now, and being back in Blacksburg among other singles and various non-married people is a welcome change over the incessant procession of nuclear families in Creedmoor.
So, a little garbage cleanup here, a little vacuuming there, and by this time tomorrow I'll be back in Blacksburg for a summer of purifying and altering DNA and thesis-writing.

goodbye creedmoor

Fri, 11 May 2007 06:33:49 GMT

It's late so I'll be brief. I arrived in Creedmoor this evening to start moving out over the next two days. Apparently the circuit breaker to my fridge switched off sometime over the last month as I had a fridge of rancid food for greeting. The smell was hard to describe...truly revolting. Cleaning that up was fun. I'm sure I'll be scrubbing my hands quite a bit over the next few days.

Walking around my old apartment is odd. I've mentally already made the transition back to Blacksburg, and walking around here all I see is junk that I no longer need or want, almost like scraps of a past life. My TV no longer functions....I have no idea why, but I am not concerned by it.

I think I'm going to enjoy throwing things away and leaving this place. And I'll enjoy having my own place in Blacksburg again even more.

Moving on

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 05:46:11 GMT

Tonight I’m in my friend’s basement. It’s dark, early morning. My dog is resting at my feet. There’s a gentle rain outside. Earlier the night was beautiful, a mostly-full moon, hundreds of stars, and a warm breeze. I’m sipping on a passable blush. It’s quiet here, peaceful.

Life seems pretty good lately. I’ve made arrangements with my professor to restart research at my lab and finish my degree this summer. After nine months of doing next to nothing, I think this will be a welcome change. My divorce is finished. I’m looking for a sublease in Blacksburg. I’m moving on.

Again I get the strange sense that I have no real limits on what I can do. I’m considering what to do a PhD in now. I think I know what I wish to study. Now it’s just a matter of finding a program that suits me. I find it odd that, regardless of my apparent screw-ups in life, I’m still completely free to proceed with my life as I see fit, free of commitments and responsibilities that seem to weigh others down and limit their available choices.

Honestly I cannot empathize with someone that could be motivated to pursue a job or career they found dull or boring simply because it paid well. The very notion disturbs me deeply, to actively plan to trade the time of your life doing something unrewarding in exchange for money. Well, perhaps some people find reward in activities that I do not.

I am lonely. One would think that, given the hell of the last 15 months, I could find satisfaction in being productive and back on track again. And I do. However it is incomplete satisfaction. I am not content, at least not for any length of time. I am the most content I have been in a long while, but still I cannot help but feel a certain nagging incompleteness.

There are lots of girls here, lots of smart and beautiful women. What a change over Creedmoor. I’ve been in Blacksburg for two weeks now, and I already have some prospects. Still it troubles me that, without much doubt, I’ll be leaving here again in a few months. Perhaps it would be best to simply concentrate on work this summer and avoid relationships. That would be the logical course of action. I’ve considered this path in the past and it’s never worked out very well, but if I do come up empty this summer then at least I can say I planned it that way. :)

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 05:55:47 GMT

So I'm guessing everyone has heard about the carnage at VT by now. Things are weird around here atm. I'm staying with two friends, marthamarina79 and Kris. Kris is an EMT and was in the thick of things today. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be scared by the bloodbath he helped clean up today. Martha is a PhD student who teaches molecular bio lab. One of her students was killed. This evening has been hard. This was the worst mass killings in US history, and it hit home for me.

livin

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 16:41:07 GMT

So I'm in Blacksburg staying with marthamarina79 atm and it is good. I'm working on my paper, visiting old friends, looking for housing and a job, and generally pondering existence. We put on a big Easter party on Sunday with wine and Easter eggs and a 60 lb. lamb roasted over a fire for 8 hours. It was a blast. My dog was in heaven full of lamb scraps and bones. The party was all molecular biology grad students, and it felt great to talk shop for the first time in nine months.
Blacksburg is mostly like I remember it. It's interesting though: when I left here before, I was thick in the fog of post-divorce depression, and that affected the way I viewed the city. Now instead of feeling oppressive, walking downtown feels...fine I guess. Neutral, and mildly positive tinged with old memories. When I first came here I promised myself I would not get sucked back in, and now I find myself pondering life here again, viewing professor profiles to see who needs PhD students and the like. Well, it's sure an improvement over life as a hermit in Creedmoor.
All the paperwork for the divorce has been submitted to the courts. Now I'm just waiting on the court system to finish processing it. Should be any day now.
BTW, I dunno if we got any breakbeat/electric funk fans here, but I just found a new podcast by atomic hooligan that's free on iTunes. Just type in "menu sessions podcast" in the search window and you should get 5 podcast links, about 8 hours of crazy British DJ antics and electric goodness.

heading to Blacksburg

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 22:44:08 GMT

In an effort to wrap up my degree, I'm heading back to Blacksburg tomorrow, possibly for a couple months. It feels strange heading back there...after all I was trying to get AWAY from Blacksburg and all that emotional baggage less than 9 months ago. But after talking with Amy and marthamarina79, I'm looking forward to returning...especially if it means finishing the degree and getting on with the rest of my life faster. They'll be supplying me and Tobey with lodging for the next few days.
Things are in a constant state of flux atm. It's rather unsettling. Hopefully this trip will help remedy the situation.

Mother mallard

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 16:00:49 GMT

There is a mother mallard duck that has nested in my front yard in a flower garden. She's laid nine eggs. With the documented 28 day incubation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mallard#Breeding_behaviour), I'm expecting some of them to start hatching in mid to later April. Does anyone know how long it takes a clutch of eggs to hatch? That is, how long from the time the first chick emerges until the last chick emerges? If possible I'd like to get some pictures of this, but I'm guessing the window will be short, and perhaps at night.

minor surgery

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 18:01:40 GMT

I had a ping pong ball-sized chunk of material removed from my back yesterday. Between that and writing I haven't had time to post lately, but I'll be back shortly.

getting back into shape

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 23:14:56 GMT

I just managed a four mile jog with Tobey. Not very impressive considering that less than three months ago I completed a ten mile run. However earlier this week, after sitting around for a month and a half, I could barely run 2 miles without my back starting to kill me. So this is progress in the short term. Hopefully I'll make it back to 10 miles within a couple weeks. Tobey's a little out of shape too. He's panting at my feet atm.
In the meantime progress continues on the paper. I'm sending the next version to my lab tomorrow.

good news

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 21:35:50 GMT

So I heard back from my lab. Sounds good so far. The lab tech sent me some figures to include in the document. So I'll be expanding things this weekend and then send a revised document Monday morning. Also, apparently my professor has decided to restart some peripheral experiments on this project. Good, because that means he's still interested in bringing it to closure. Bad, because that means he'll want to collect more data before publishing. But whatever, I'm gonna do my part and finish as much of this mess as possible.

Anyone in the Hampton area want to go see 300? I hear it's the boom-digity.

waiting

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:19:12 GMT

So I finished the first draft of this nebulous negative-data paper that I have to come up with a positive spin for. It was basically an outline with a quick and dirty results section. I submitted it last night. Now I'm waiting for people to show up in my lab so I can get some feedback. After that I'll spend the weekend expanding it.
I sort of reconnected with etherealizabeth last night over email. She's an old high school buddy of mine that bltdonahue probably remembers. She reminded me it's been 4.5 years since I've seen her, and I reminded her that we met when we were 14, and that she just turned 30. /sigh I'm old biatch!
I'm missing WoW, but oh well. I need to focus on other things for the moment. I'm going to do something productive like walk my dog, then expand my results section.

Oh, and here's an old one but a good one. I'm gonna order one for 8bitnintendo and one for etherealizabeth

Something new

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:55:31 GMT

This being a time of new beginnings for me, I figured it was time to start a livejournal in ernest. I even bought a spiffy paid account, WOOT!
I've been toying with the idea of setting up a new email list that deals less with WoW and more with friends and life, but in the end it seemed overly intrusive and presumptuous that a group of 15+ people might ever care about the same random things that I do, so livejournal seemed a good compromise.
So. I've been out of touch with life for about a year now. I guess divorce will do that to you. Or maybe I'm just a slacker. In any case I've had enough of that. It's time to start over. I even made a list:

Stuff to do so I can start my life over:

1. Finish the divorce.
This should be done in the next week or two. Woot. I've signed all the paperwork and mailed it back to the lawyer.
2. Finish my degree.
This involves writing a paper about negative data. Fun. I'll be turning out an outline and a draft of the results in about 3 hours.
I think it's plausible that I could graduate by the end of June, maybe earlier.
3. Find a job.
This one's the kicker. Right now, I have no ties. I can go anywhere I want as long as there's a job available. The job I want deals with molecular biological research in aging, senescence, and longevity. At present I have no firm leads. The way I see it, establishing leads needs to rank right behind wrapping up my degree.
4. Move

Yeah, I think that covers it.

In other news, I have left Creedmoor. I'm visiting my parents this week and most likely heading to Blacksburg next week where I'll stay until the degree is complete. Hopefully I won't see too much of my ex, but if I do then I'll just smile and wave like a good boy. Also I'm taking a break from WoW. I've been logging on less and less anyway, mostly just on Nath. I decided it's just too much of a distraction right now.